I can't get to sleep before midnight- 12:30 am, so 4 hours of sleep makes Stacey a crazy girl. I had a very candid discussion with Brian about getting a shock alarm for him. I am totally serious. It's not his fault he cannot hear his alarm screaming and I wake up every time it goes off. After the 2nd time, I cannot get back to sleep. But we CAN do something about it, like look for solutions that will wake him up and not me. I think a shock collar on his wrist with a remote for me is perfect. When the alarm goes off, I can hit the shock remote. There is a reason it works for dogs. He thought it was ridiculous, but I Googled it, and they actually make one for people :) LOL! I"m not so crazy after all. After about half the day went by, he came up to me and said he would be willing to try it if it would help.
Overall, I am feeling about the same. THe past several weeks, aside from the times I have mentioned in the past with bad weather or PMS, I have had little to no joint pain.
It came back to me this morning, though as I woke up to aching hips, ankles, shoulders, wrists, etc. It is PMS time, but I should have had the pain few days to a week ago for that. However, it drizzled last night. Yes, the weather. It's so predictable. So the aching has set in, but only at about 20% of normal, so that is pretty awesome. Now I have to look forward to this all winter long, but at 20%, if this holds up, I'll take it. It's funny how when a symptom fades away, I don't miss it or realize it's gone, but when it comes crashing back, it's like a bucket of cold water. THEN I realize it was gone. Also when the weather is overcast and rainy like it is in Oregon all winter, it feels like morning to me all day and I can never quite 'get going'. It's like a weight is pressing down on me.
My emotional PMDD symptoms are still present: anxiety, anger, one song stuck in my head over and over for days, anti-social feelings, chocolate cravings, insomnia, ongoing uncontrolled negative thoughts about my husband. I had a mild night sweat, but not bad at all compared to what I used to have every month: several nights in a row where I have to change and shower 3 times a night, panic attacks and horrible nightmares. I do have really wild, strange dreams, but no bad nightmares. I do have what I call 'daytime nightmares'. It's weird, and only during PMS: It's like my brain takes over and runs away with my thoughts and it's always that something horrible has happened to one of the boys. Like they have been severely injured, kidnapped, beaten up by bullies, paralyzed in a dirtbike accident.... to the point that I will call them and insist they check in a couple times a day to let me know all is ok.
I also get the 'blahs'. I couldn't force myself to do what I need/want to do at gunpoint. It's so much more than 'unmotivated'. It's a black hole of feeling. Nothingness of emotion. I can't even do the things I really enjoy. I can't read a book, I can't watch TV. I often just want to lay in bed and stare out the window. Thank goodness for Adderall. It at least gives me the restlessness to clean the house and 'do' something. Even if it's mindless, at least I feel like I am accomplishing something worthwhile. Like a caffeine high, I can just buzz around and not think.
My neck pain is gone for now and pain overall has been gone for several weeks, until this morning. That has been really nice.
I have had a strange thing happening all summer; it's only when I'm laying down in bed and halfway between asleep and awake. My brain imagines I hear a loud noise of some sort. It's a person shouting a word, or just a loud noise like bang. Nothing I can specifically remember. It's a loud noise that I know is not real ( we live out in the country where it is very, very quiet) but it wakes me up. It's weird and it's something new that I hadn't experienced before.
The other thing is I used to experience is the 'bed shaking' feeling~ like an earthquake. I would actually sit up in the middle of the night and look around and nothing was shaking, it was all in my brain. But it felt like an earthquake and I was convinced the bed was shaking really hard. That had been gone for a couple years now. Well, it as returned to a lesser degree. It's more like a body-wide 'vibration'. It's faster and shorter than if someone where shaking the bed, but it feels very, very real. I know it's all in my brain and nerves, but I don't know why. I am taking Vitamin B complex to help repair my nerves, so perhaps there is some repairing going on?
Overall, I am feeling good in the context of all I have been through. Looking back I do feel like I am realizing some significant improvements. Small things that add up to an overall better sum. I hope winter doesn't steal it all away.