This page is not complete yet, but it is the beginning of the story of my Lyme nightmare.
I didn't feel the symptoms until my 3rd pregnancy, about 5 years into my marriage. It slowly crept up on me. Like boiling a frog... just start the water out cool enough and gradually turn up the heat. Until the frog actually at a full boil and near death, he'll never realize how dire the situation. Such it is in my case. As my symptoms slowly kept multiplying and increasing in severity, I kept thinking they would go away. Once I began looking for answers, it took over six years and six different doctors to finally find one that would listen, believe me and help.
But let me go back. I had been a totally healthy, happy person my whole life. Since about the 5th grade I have been an avid reader. All through high school I read one book after another. I had a wonderful childhood with supportive, happy parents. I was active in pony club and horse 4-H in junior high. I enjoyed riding my horse in the mountains around our property. I got pregnant with my first son when I was 15. I missed a couple weeks of school after he was born and we found a great babysitter for him during school hours. He was healthy and normal and I graduated with my class. For a few years in high school I stopped riding horses, but a couple years after I graduated I got another horse and started trail riding again. Bucking hay, lifting heavy saddles and 50 lb bags of grain was something I did on a regular basis. I always had a positive attitude, was an optimist and knew that my life was going to turn out wonderful. I would find the perfect husband, get married and live happily ever after.
I did get married at age 23. However, after we were married, my husband began to show signs of emotional issues. He would get angry really easily and blow up over nothing. He would also regularly get these severe leg cramps he described as feeling like his muscle was being pulled from the bone. He complained a lot about his joints as well. I could hear them snap, crackle and pop, especially in his wrists. Granted, he pulled green chain at a mill, and that's hard on your hands and wrists... but again, he was 22. He had joint aches and pains that a 22 year old should not have. I could not relate. I had never had any of these symptoms. I got pregnant with our son 4 months after we got married. As time went on, my husband's emotional issues worsened. He had severe insomnia and would often wake up in the middle of the night with his heart absolutely pounding so hard, I could feel it shaking the bed.
One day, I found him sitting in our garage in a lawn chair crying. I didn't know what to do. I asked him what was wrong and he said "Nothing... I don't know!" There was no reason for his emotional break down. He was still experiencing anger management issues and would cry easily. His behavior was irrational and chaotic. Also, his thought processes were totally illogical. Normal everyday life projects like putting a kid's chair on his mountain bike would take him two hours of frustration. I literally went out there one day after his hours of struggling and after 5 minutes, had it on. He absolutely hated to read and could not 'translate' well. This applied to translating what I or others would say to him as well. I know the normal 'man' communication issues, but this was beyond that. His brain worked in crazy ways and applied irrational meanings to things I said or did. I remember literally telling him one day that he was crazy and the guys in little white coats were going to come take him away one day. It was during one of our communication breakdowns/his mental meltdowns. It was exhausting for me to deal with.
During my pregnancy with our second son (my third) I had a very sudden bout of depression. I had never experienced anything like this. Don't hate me, but I never even had so much as morning sickness with either of my other pregnancies. I went to school all during my first pregnancy, up until Christmas Vacation ( a week before my due date, on Christmas) and during my second pregnancy, I worked as a bookkeeper up until almost my due date. I never missed a day of work and felt fine. I never had post partum depression either. This depression was like being hit by a ton of bricks. It was chemical imbalance. I could 'feel' it. I was only 28, so none of the 'risk' factors or difficulties that apply to older women that are pregnant applied. I literally laid in bed for hours, staring out the window and not caring about anything. I had a bleak outlook on my future for the first time ever and all my drive and joy was gone. I also had joint and muscle pain for the first time. My hips, my legs, my back.... they just ached. I remember being passed up by an old man who looked like he was about 90 while I was walking into Walmart one day and thinking how messed up that was.
I had always been a type A personality. Not the strong aggressive type that needs someone to boss around, but a self starter, not wanting anyone to tell me what to do. I made lists of things I needed when I went to town and got them done. After having Colby, all that changed and I have never been the same. I was just exhausted all the time. I would have a list of 4 or 5 places go to when I got to town and I was doing great to finish two before I was so tired I just wanted to lay down in the isle and sleep. I didn't care what I still needed to do, I was desperate to get home and sleep.
As many of you are aware, the downward spiral had begun. Over the next several years, my symptoms worsened and new ones were added. Then the new ones worsened. See my list of symptoms on the "My Symptoms" page. I created a document on my computer to take to my new doctors because the list was so long and I always forgot most of the symptoms when in the doctors office. So I just handed them the pre-printed two page list. Not that it really mattered: they never listened to me anyway. For some reason every one of them got stuck on the sleep issues. If you see my long, involved list of symptoms, it's laughable that what three different doctors got out of that was that I needed a 'sleep study'. I refused all three. I had total anxiety about sleeping with someone watching me, I had small children to care for and could not go in in the early evening and be at a hospital all night, and besides, all these symptoms were NOT due to lack of a proper night's sleep!
My oldest son was in high school at this point. He played soccer, basketball and baseball. Often these sports would overlap and he didn't have a single week off from a sport during the school year and into the summer. He didn't have any trouble with his school work and he went to a private school with more demanding, difficult work than a normal public school. He kept up with his sports and all his schoolwork and graduated with honors. I say this because the difference between him and my two youngest sons became more and more obvious over time. Once I was finally diagnosed with Lyme, I knew they had it. The constant health issues, emergency room visits, emotional breakdowns, memory problems, reading comprehention problems, joint pain, exhaustion.... I recognized them all. I now had those symptoms and knew it was not normal.